The pressure solopreneurs don’t talk about

Running a business on our own means making decisions no one else can make. That sounds obvious. And yet most people underestimate the weight of it.

Even with a small team, the final decisions are ours alone. Most work with specialists for specific tasks or a virtual assistant. But when the most important decisions need to be made, there's no one at our side.

The pressure that comes with it is real. And it's different from the pressure employees know.

The pressure is real

Pressure isn't the same for everyone. How much we feel it depends on our situation. But it affects every solopreneur.

The money doesn't come automatically.

As employees, we can be fairly certain the paycheck will arrive reliably. It's the usual trade of time for money.
Larger companies have financial backing and room to maneuver.

Both have strong partners and some security to fall back on.

For solopreneurs, the financial reality is immediate and very direct. We notice right away that without new clients, no money comes in. The pressure comes from the constant need to sell.

There's no net and no safety floor.

If we stop working, our business won't run for long either.

I know experienced business owners who went years without a real vacation, even those with a small, capable team. They sat at their laptops for hours and stayed reachable no matter where they were.

No one else shares the responsibility. There's no leadership team, and rarely an outside advisor.

Even with smart offers and working systems, something always comes up. We have to react quickly and decide on the spot. Some decisions can't be planned for in advance.

As solopreneurs, we work without a net and without a safety floor. We're close to the market and have to respond fast, with no one to step in for us.

We make the pressure bigger than it is

It's remarkable what we as humans can handle. Atmospheric pressure alone puts an average of 17,300 kg of weight on us. That's about 14.7 pounds on every square inch of our body. We usually don't notice it at all.

Some of the pressure is self-made.

We barely notice the load our work places on us either. We account for it, we're used to it. We know what's expected of us, and we handle it.

What most of us don't anticipate is how much we have to grow internally when building a business. Not because we set out to grow, but because the situation demands it. Every decision, every setback, every period of uncertainty leaves its mark.

Because on top of everything else, there's that constant internal conversation. And it doesn't stop.

We have expectations we want to meet.
We worry about how things will look in the future.
We fear it won't keep going the way it has.
And sometimes we revisit decisions we'd make differently today.

Drama is the salt in the soup.

Many people believe they need pressure to perform at their best. I hear this regularly from clients. Without it, we'd be slower, maybe even careless or lazy.

The truth is, we've come this far in spite of the pressure we put on ourselves.

We hear our own expectations and those coming from others as self-talk. An insistent voice pushing for higher, further, faster. Until we're exhausted.
And yet it means well. It's trying to help.

But it leads us to see things in black and white, to think in all-or-nothing terms, and to experience situations as more dramatic than they usually are. On top of the real pressure, we create drama.

I like to compare this drama to salt in a soup. We need a little salt to make the soup taste good. It adds something.

But it's easy to get used to the flavor. Then we need more and more to taste anything. Without that much salt, the soup starts to seem bland and boring.

We need a bit of drama. We want to push ourselves. Up to a point. Beyond that, it simply does us no good.

Unlike real pressure, drama is homemade. We can use it deliberately, in the amount that actually serves us.

We’re secretly waiting to be rescued

Sometimes the load becomes too much. We look for a way out. We want someone to make it easier. Someone to come and save us.

Simple solutions would be so nice.

One of my mentors, Brooke Castillo, often talks about how she sometimes wanted to walk away from it all. It would be so much easier to take a job as a waitress at a diner.

When the pressure gets too high, we crave simple solutions. We'd love someone to decide for us, or at least tell us clearly what to do.

That wish makes sense. It would be so much easier if someone came and solved it, if we knew exactly what to do and didn't have to carry the responsibility.

The longing for simple solutions runs deep in all of us. It's completely normal.

The white knight isn't coming.

The secret wish to be rescued isn't a problem in itself, as long as we're clear that white knights are rare.

A rescue probably won't come. But help will.

And help often arrives in unexpected forms.
We don't need to be saved. Once we accept that, we can see again what's actually in our hands. We stop staring in one direction and shutting everything else out. We become active again.

Most people are really looking for relief from the pressure, not for someone to take over the reins. After all, we chose this path because we wanted more freedom and self-determination. And yes, we want the responsibility too, even when it's heavy.

Pressure and responsibility go together

There's a common approach to eating well: write down what to eat the next day before going to bed. The idea is to avoid making impulsive decisions based on hunger or appetite.

It's the same principle: the weight of constant decision-making. What we're trying to avoid is decision fatigue. The moment the internal pressure becomes too much, we look for relief, do whatever feels good in the moment, and stop taking responsibility for what we actually want.

Freedom comes with a price.

Things do get easier when we stop fighting the facts. When we face them instead.

Wanting freedom means getting the pressure of responsibility too. That's not a flaw in the system. It is the system.

When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.
Byron Katie

Whatever we do or don't do, there's always a consequence. That's actually a good thing. It means we can choose the outcomes we want. We can't avoid every problem. But we can influence what we take on.

When most people hear "price," they think of cost. But price can also mean gain. Whether we see our responsibility as a burden or a gift is entirely up to us. The only question is what we choose.

We chose this path.

When I push a kickboard in front of me in the pool, holding it parallel to my body, it creates a lot of resistance. The pressure is noticeable. Tilt it sideways, and the resistance drops. Moving forward becomes easier.

Some resistance stays as long as I want to use the board. It's useful for training. But I don't need to make it harder than necessary when I want a break.

We chose to run a business. The real demands on us are significant. But we don't need to make them bigger.

Instead of working against the pressure, we can factor it in. Not as resignation, but as agreement.

Choosing this path was a conscious decision. So we can also accept the pressure that comes with it.

We can learn to handle pressure differently

Pressure has two parts: the actual and the self-made. Everyone's situation is different. But we don't have to suffer from either.

We make it harder than it needs to be.

The real pressure stays. We can soften it with good planning and structure, but it's there. And what can't be changed, we can accept.

The self-made pressure is usually harder to bear. That's the drama. We ruminate, worry, or freeze up out of fear of what's coming. We get stuck in thought loops and can't find a way out.

It comes from how we interpret what's happening. We haven't learned how to deal with unwanted thoughts and feelings. That's what turns pressure into a burden.

Pressure is unavoidable. Suffering isn't.

I'm not talking about physical suffering. I mean the mental kind.
It happens when we add an extra layer of judgment on top of our unwanted feelings. That makes the mountain bigger and harder to climb.

Unwanted feelings include things like fear, helplessness, frustration, doubt, uncertainty, shame, or embarrassment. Everything we'd rather not feel. For some people, that also includes success or pride. Not every unwanted feeling is obviously unpleasant.

To say it again: the pressure we feel is real.
But it's on us how we see it, make sense of it, and choose to handle it.

Pressure is part of running a business. But no one needs to suffer.