What to expect:
Beautiful people in the most beautiful places. What a tempting image.
And a very incomplete one.
A brief look at the history
The term selfcare started out as liberation. In the 1960s, it first appeared in the health movement. It was quickly picked up by feminists and civil rights activists, who used it in a very different, more combative way.
As late as 1988, African American author and activist Audre Lorde wrote:
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence [but] an act of political warfare."
Die Zeit (Text in German)
Later, selfcare came to mean something closer to self-care in a health context. The focus shifted to how people can actively maintain their own physical and mental wellbeing.
Today, the conversation in the media is no longer about political self-determination. It's about lifestyle and consumption.
It's time to reclaim the term.
Selfcare is not a bubble bath
Selfcare is not something you can simply buy. It's not just a moment of rest and relaxation. And it's far more than an aesthetically pleasing lifestyle.
The media image has one goal: to sell a modern relaxation lifestyle.
The result is an idealized version and more pressure.
And only that version is perfect and worth striving for.
Of course, a day at the spa is a lovely break. And a bubble bath can feel good. But the magic tends to fade quickly.
This kind of selfcare rarely lasts.
Real recovery is not an item on your to-do list.
It's even worse when I see "selfcare" as a bullet point on my clients' to-do lists.
For one thing, it always seems to slide further down. It never gets the priority it deserves. Quite the opposite. For many, it becomes a source of guilt. That nagging, nipping feeling that won't stop.
For another, most people have no real answer what selfcare actually means to them. What I hear most often is "I should" or "I could," with no concrete idea attached.
What they forget is that real recovery is something we need every day. Especially for solopreneurs, their professional success depends on their own capacity. And when the batteries are empty, the whole operation stops.
Selfcare is more than we think.
Selfcare has three components: physical, social, and mental-emotional.
The physical part covers everything that directly strengthens and protects the body, like nutrition, sleep, and movement. Most people know this part. They also know what to do about it.
The social part is less obvious. It covers how we set boundaries, ask for help, and decide how and with whom we spend our time. This is something people talk about more now.
What we rarely learn is the mental and emotional part. This is about how we perceive, regulate, and process emotions. And about inner security, strength, and stability as the foundation for how we meet life.
This part is missing most often. And almost no one talks about it.
Selfcare as a sign of self-respect
Mental selfcare means turning the attention inward. That's why I prefer to talk about self-respect: we pay attention to ourselves and our wellbeing.
It starts with a question.
The simplest way to do that is with an honest question:
"How am I doing right now?"
We want to know what's actually going on. Not the usual "fine, I guess" or "not now." This question is a mood check in the best sense of the word. An early warning system for whether we're still on track.
Behind the wall of functioning.
Pausing and listening inward matters most for people who are driven by their own high standards.
When we're at our most productive, it's surprisingly easy to miss how much we're depleting ourselves. In flow states, we feel good and forget the effort. The endorphins are dancing, but that costs energy too.
It gets worse when we push forward on willpower alone. When we consciously ignore our needs, don't drink enough, skip breaks, don't even stop to use the bathroom, just because something has to get done right now.
Almost as if our lives depended on it.
The question of how you're doing right now, how you're feeling right now, brings you back to yourself. It helps you step away from the pressure to perform and appear. It tears down the wall of functioning.
Those who don't trust their own signals lose their way.
It's about the small, often quiet signals your body sends.
For me, selfcare and self-respect are above all proof that you matter to yourself. On a practical level, it's energy management. But what it's really about is body knowledge that usually gets ignored.
The body thinks too. It has its own nervous systems in the gut and the heart that process information and send it to the brain. When we ignore these signals, we neglect an important source of knowledge and intelligence.
This knowledge can't be replaced by thinking harder. And without it, we don't just lose energy. We lose our bearings. And we make decisions harder than they need to be.
Listen to yourself
Selfcare doesn't start with the physical. Even though most people immediately think of breaks, vacations, and wellness, it starts with you.
Our inner dialogue sets the tone.
I'm still surprised by how I talk to myself. Even after many years of practice, my inner dialogue is often quite harsh and rough.
If selfcare had a voice, it would sound like someone who genuinely cares about you. Words full of interest, encouragement, and yes, love.
Gentle is not the same as soft.
Most people's first reaction to this idea is resistance. They think of self-pity or being coddled. They worry they'll stop getting things done or put their success at risk.
We're conditioned from early on to believe that only strictness gets results. But the truth is, we often reach our goals despite the harshness, not because of it.
Asking how we're doing doesn't mean we stop doing things. We just do them with more awareness and intention. Not from misplaced discipline or guilt. That's challenge without overwhelm.
This voice helps us far more than any harsh critic.
Selfcare means treating myself as if I matter.
Because I do.
Selfcare is your superpower.
Selfcare is far more than relaxation, breaks, or recharging.
The superpower begins when we take ourselves seriously. This is when we hear the quiet signals our body sends. The signals that give us additional knowledge and direction.
And those who keep their bearings can decide.