Why making decisions takes so much energy

We make hundreds of decisions every day. And yet there are always topics where we just can't come to a conclusion.

We think it over again, or sleep on it. But neither really helps. We may arrive at a good decision, but we don't trust it.

Without a clear frame, every decision stands on shaky ground.
And that's exactly where it breaks down.

More experience doesn’t make deciding easier

We tend to assume that with more experience, business decisions get easier. Things are running well. We've built a solid structure.

There's a saying: "Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems." And it seems to work the same way with a business. But unlike with children, it's not puberty or their demands that are to blame.

The problems come from the complexity of the decisions themselves. That's not a coincidence. It's part of growth. Most experienced business owners have been there.

We notice it in the ruminating.

There are usually two signs that we're struggling with decisions.

One sign is that we keep thinking about the same things. Some of us ruminate endlessly. Others decide, then immediately question it. Either way, we don't reach a conclusion.

We sleep on it. And secretly hope that the answer will come to us overnight.

Another sign is that we feel uncertain, or even overwhelmed. We think about the consequences, the expectations, the responsibility.

Uncertainty is only the symptom.

We notice when we feel uncertain. And we assume that means we are uncertain. Uncertainty does play a role here. But the reason is different from what we think.

We used to have a clear direction. We knew our strategy for building the business. Everything pointed toward success, whatever that meant for us. That gave us a frame our decisions could rest on.

But now success is no longer so clearly defined. A new strategy would only show us how to get there. What's missing is knowing where "there" is.

The uncertainty comes from no longer having a stable frame to decide from.

We still decide every day.

Many of us think our ability to decide has stopped working properly. The facts say otherwise. When we look at a typical work week, we notice a large number of things we still decide quickly and well.

We haven't lost the ability. It's just that our frame of reference no longer fits. We assume the answer is more simplicity or a different strategy. But the real problem is that nothing settles the question.

First, though, let's look at what's actually making it so hard right now.

Deciding used to work

When building a business, there are two main tasks:
selling your offer and keeping your clients happy.

That's not always easy, but it is straightforward.
Everything serves one goal. We want to be successful. The direction is clear.

Necessity and gut feeling made a good team.

The early phase is defined by trial and error like no other. We know that, and we accept it.

We picked from the advice of experts and coaches what felt right. Necessity took care of the rest.

Necessity brought the pace, and gut feeling kept us from working against ourselves. Together, they made a system that worked.

Looking to others for guidance was smart.

In this emotionally and practically demanding phase, we look to role models. We see proven systems we can follow.

There are already difficult decisions at this stage. The number of possible paths is enormous, and not every one fits us. But relying on tested methods helps us move forward quickly and well.

We knew where we wanted to go. The question was how to get there as fast as possible. And with that, the focus shifted to strategy.

Strategies deliver more than a method

Once the initial build is done, new questions come up.
Do I raise my prices, do I add something new, do I keep working with the same people and clients. The list is long.

These are new strategic decisions that need a new frame. And we haven't built that on stable ground yet.

Strategies always come with a hidden frame.

Until now, we've stuck to existing methods. What we often don't realize is that we also adopt a decision-making frame along with them.

Methods and programs point in a clear direction. That's exactly the strategy for getting from A to B. And to get there, clear decisions are required.

This frame is never explicitly named, but it has to be there for the strategy to work.

The frame no longer fits.

Over time, we notice that we're operating inside a structure that isn't really ours.

We've changed, and the off-the-rack frame no longer fits quite right. On top of that, we've grown more confident as business owners and want to bring more of ourselves into the work.

Just as we outgrow clothes, we outgrow the borrowed frame we've been making decisions from.

Borrowed frames start to pinch

Over time, the tension grows. It often shows up in phrases like "I should" or "I have to." We want one thing, but feel the other is right.

Hesitation and second-guessing are not character flaws.

Those who have worked on the inner structures of their business for a long time don't notice the pinching right away. Because the business is working. It runs and looks good.

On the outside, nothing has changed. But on the inside, something no longer fits. A frame that doesn't match shows up as hesitation, resistance, and self-doubt.

Some think of the Impostor Phenomenon or the Dunning-Kruger Effect. The Impostor Phenomenon gives us the impression that everything is just luck and we haven't really earned our success.

The Dunning-Kruger Effect describes how someone with only basic knowledge tends to overestimate what they know. Experienced people, on the other hand, recognize how much they still don't know. That leads to wanting to keep learning before feeling ready.

The borrowed frame has run its course.

Both the Impostor Phenomenon and the Dunning-Kruger Effect give us the impression that the decision problems are our fault. That we're to blame when we can't come to a conclusion.

But it's only a symptom, and a logical consequence of how we build a business as a solopreneur.

We adopt many strategies that grew out of other people's experience. We never get the full picture behind them. That leaves us missing a piece of information. One we can only gain through our own experience.

It’s not us

Women in particular tend to look for the problem in themselves first. But nothing is wrong with us. It's simply the wrong system.

We're not the problem. The frame we borrowed for a while is.

It's time to leave other people's frames behind.

Your own frame was never built for this.

When I moved to Vienna after finishing school, there was a lot I was doing for the first time. I had never bought a bed, for example. I didn't know what was out there or what it cost. I could grocery shop. But a mattress? I had never bought one.

Each of us has already built a decision-making frame. It comes from our life experience and is solid and stable. But it wasn't built for what running a business demands. That's exactly why we borrowed one.

And when that borrowed frame no longer fits, it's time to strengthen our own. So it becomes stable enough to handle what we're facing today.

We confuse the decision with the execution.

There's another reason we blame ourselves.

We think we're doing something wrong. But the decision itself is only the first step.

Often we already have a clear sense of what we want. We just don't like the ideas for how to get there. So we end up thinking about the "how" and mistake that for still being undecided. But the decision is the "what" and maybe the "where to." Never the "how," which is the strategy.

Those who separate the what from the how often find that the decision was already made. Because when we're thinking about execution, we already know the "what." We just don't want to admit it yet. I wrote about why that is in The decision is made. You just don’t want to see it yet.

A frame you can trust

Building a new business is like learning a new language.

In the beginning, we built a solid vocabulary with the help of courses, trainers, and publicly available knowledge. We learned grammar and how to form sentences. We could already find our way around.

What we're still missing is the playful command of the language.
We don't just want to speak, we want poetry.
We don't just want to say what we need, we want to express ourselves.

And that's exactly what we want with our business too.

In the end, it's about your goal.

We want to put our own stamp on our business. And we want to make it what we always dreamed it could be. For many, that's financial, time, or location freedom. For others, it's a kind of legacy for their family or the world.

A stable frame gives you decisions that truly align with your goals and don't cost you all your energy. So your energy is free for what comes next.

Your own frame is as unique as the business behind it.

A decision-making frame doesn't work the same for everyone.

It's not a new system. It's not about a strategy that once again only shows the "how." And it doesn't deliver ready-made answers.

A frame shows us what we base our decisions on and what truly fits. It lets us recognize when we're about to act against our own convictions. It's specific and concrete, even when there's no single clearly right answer.

We decide with a clear mind and trust in our intuition. So that deciding no longer costs unnecessary energy.