You don't lie awake because you can't sleep. You lie awake because you left a decision unfinished during the day.
Your mind wants its questions answered. And if that doesn't happen during the day, it tries again at night.
More thinking doesn't solve the problem as long as you keep leaving questions open.
What to expect:
3 a.m. and awake again
It's three in the morning. And instead of sleeping peacefully, you're lying there ruminating.
All day you have been thinking about this one question, looking at it from every angle. But you still couldn't bring yourself to decide. You still haven't come to a conclusion.
And now is probably the worst possible moment for it. You should be asleep. Tomorrow you need to be sharp, there's another full day of work waiting. Come on, sleep. Now.
But it doesn't stop. You turn from one side to the other, just like the problem turning in your head. Only now frustration and irritation about the sleepless night come on top of it.
Many people think something is wrong with them. That they lie awake because they can't sleep. So they try to fix their sleep issue.
They learn meditation, breathing techniques, and follow all the helpful advice about falling asleep and staying asleep.
But the overthinking stays.
It starts during the day
As a solopreneur, you make small and big decisions every day. You have to be good at this, because most things depend on you.
Usually you can rely on your experience.
But there are always questions that aren't easy to answer. You simply don't know what would be right for you here.
These are the decisions that weigh on you.
In the best case, you think it through once and then decide.
But many people still have doubts after that. They keep asking themselves: What if…? and Shouldn't I…?
Then it feels like the decision is done. But in reality, it isn't.
Open questions cost energy
Every open question costs energy. Our brain wants its questions answered.
That's the real problem with ruminating. We want to know how it will turn out. But we can't know yet.
It's the same principle that TV series use.
An open ending creates a pull. We can hardly stop watching. We want to know how it ends. Cliffhangers almost force us to tune in again.
This is called the Zeigarnik effect, named after psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik.
It describes how unfinished tasks and open questions stay in our memory longer than completed ones.
Our brain simply can't let go of open questions and unresolved decisions.
When we make a clear decision during the day, we put a period at the end.
Doubt and overthinking turn that period into a question mark at night.
Thinking and ruminating are not the same
Thinking helps us see options, evaluate possibilities, and understand consequences. It's always goal-directed and wants a result.
Ruminating feels productive. But I experience it as thinking in spirals. We go in circles.
The German dictionary Duden describes ruminating like this:
Ruminating:
- dwelling on often distressing, useless or unproductive thoughts
- reflecting on something in order to find a solution or clarity
Half asleep, everything repeats
The second definition doesn't quite capture it.
Ruminating doesn't look for a concrete solution. It wants to consider everything.
Especially at night and half asleep, our logical thinking has wound down.
And so we repeat the same thoughts and concerns again and again.
When we think something through, we want clarity about a decision. Going over the same ground again and again is not a clear process. It is more like chewing the same thoughts.
More thinking does not solve the problem
"More helps more" simply doesn't apply here.
In fact, this is something I often hear when it comes to decisions: "I need to think about it some more. I need more information."
Of course it matters to get a full picture. But we rarely receive new information lying in bed at night. Quite the opposite, our fears and worries get louder then.
I don't mean the intuitive flashes that come in the quiet of the night, the ones that bring important hints. I mean the part of our brain that is responsible for keeping us safe. It wants to protect us and runs through every possible danger.
What overthinking makes us forget is this: every decision comes with unwanted side effects. There is no purely positive solution. Even if we spent a year thinking it over. If there were a simple and clear answer, we would have found it already.
More time doesn't change the fact that we can't know what will happen in the future.
A world that only exists in your head
Overthinking tricks us into believing that more thinking will bring clarity.
In doing so, we create a world inside our head. But it doesn't have much to do with reality. Only a decision gives you the impulse you can then test in the real world.
Thinking in circles doesn't lead to a decision. It just keeps going.
Overthinking can be stopped
During the day it's easier to push these thoughts aside. We can distract ourselves and there is usually enough to do to keep us in the here and now.
Time doesn't resolve the unfinished things running in the background of our minds. We just let them surface less often during the day.
That is why it hits so hard at night, when the accumulated force of all those open thoughts comes flooding in.
With a conscious decision, you end the discussion. And you make an agreement with yourself that this is no longer up for debate.
If that isn't possible yet, you can postpone the question deliberately. Be clear that you are not making this decision right now, and decide when you will.
Either way, the ruminating loses its foothold.
The decision is made, the matter settled.
Overthinking doesn't stop on its own.
It stays, even during the day, and costs energy. Until you have had enough and finally decide. And by deciding, you consciously bring it to a close.
The 3 a.m. problem is best solved the day before.